day 16! 5 more days!!! woohoo!!

jammin out in my hotel room listen to music, currently black crowes hard to handle. yeah baby!!!

i have to go take an oral exam (that statement would make tom horny ) in an hour and a half… i feel pretty good about it we practiced a good bit today. it’s on the emergeny evacuation of the aircraft cabin… pretty important. i’m distracted now by the gym class heros… NIIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEE…….. i can’t wait to be home. i can’t wait to make out with tom. i can’t wait to go to red lobster and eat with my mom and talk and talk and talk about this whole experience and how i’m gonna be a flight attendant! or how i AM a flight attendant!!! it feels pretty surreal… i’m just pretty worried about the schedule. i get it tomorrow for august and september. i can’t wait!!! i hope i can go to that tigers game with tom, and i hope i can go to wheatland… i REALLY REALLY hope i get to go to wheatland. i know he really wants to go and i really want to go as well. and i also hope i won’t have to work when my mom has her cookout thing… i just don’t like the idea of not really having much control of when i have to work. i really want saturdays and sundays off to spend with tom because i know if i’m at work one saturday night i will be so sad and jealous that he’s out and i don’t know who’s he’s talking to or what girl he finds “INTERERSTING”. I KNOW he doesn’t mean to flirt but i know how girls think, if i guy it talking to them and acting interested in what he is saying they think they’re flirting, but tom is just genuinely interested…. i am just insecure and i need to get the fuck over it.

hope i pass the test tonight and the final tommorrow!!! and i hope i’m happy with my schedule too!!!!!!!!

love and light

Day 6 of Flight Attendant Training…

So, it’s been pretty good so far… pretty easy and pretty relaxing. I have layed by the pool almost every day so far. Two days ago I got pretty burned but it looks like it is turning into a nice tan. I have had two tests so far. The first I got 100% and the one I took today was a bit harder (I didn’t study as much as I should have) so I got a 90% on it. So… it’s exciting… I’m on lunch break right now so I have about 45 minutes left… but I wanna chill and not be writing so I plan on polishing my nails later on tonight and writing a lot about this experience so far… my horoscope said to accomplish as much as possible so that’s what I’m gonna try to do… peace

I leave tomorrow for flight attendant training… WOW.

Today I picked up my badge and the picture is horrible!!! My face looks soo fat. I hate it. It says it expires 10/07 so I will have to get a new one in a few months anyway. By then I hope to lose 10 pounds.

Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning for training. I can’t believe it has come this quick. I thought I was going in September, but last week Kay called me and told me a spot for the August class opened up. Which is a really amazing thing, but it all happened so fast. I have been studying my city codes like crazy. I know pretty much all of them. Tonight I just have to pack all my stuff up and study some more. I also have to pick out what I’m going to wear for tomorrow. I want to look nice, but comfortable.

I’m waiting for Tom to text me or call me so we can go out to lunch. This is the last time I will see him until I get back. I really want to call him right now but I know i shouldn’t. I told him last night I would call him around noon when I was all done with my stuff, but i texted him about a half hour ago, Picnic?… so we shall see. I figure he knows he won’t see me for a while and if he wants to see me, he will call me back or text me.

I’m nervous and really excited at the same time. It’s crazy to think that in about a month I will be a flight attendant. Right after training I will start working right away, which is awesome. Tuesday night is the meet and greet and time to get all settled in then class starts at 8am wednesday. I want to be a half hour early to class everyday because if you’re late they send you home. And that would be devastating.  I’m pretty sure the city codes test is on Wednesday…

Anyway, I’ll keep this updated throughout the whole experience.  Thank god for free wireless internet in the hotel…

today, today… today {CHANGES}

so today kinda sucked before work. i was in the shower and when i got out i had a missed call from Kay, the lady that i’ve been in touch with about the flight attendant job. i called her back immediately and she said that the august class is not training anyone based out of detroit. meaning i’m not training in august. shitty. so i have to wait until september if there even is a class in september. i sure hope there will be. anyways, i’m meeting her tomorrow morning at 9am to get drug tested and get my clearance. which is a good thing, it’s what i have kinda been waiting for. i’m just really sad about the situation though because this means i won’t be able to go to wheatland this year with thomas and i was REALLY REALLY planning and excited to go. now i can’t. big fucking bummer. there is a small change Kay said that they might let people train in august, but it didn’t sound too promising. i sure hope this all changes and i can still attend the august class. i started crying as soon as i got off the phone with her, it had all just hit me at once and i didn’t like it. my mom made me feel a whole lot better though cuz she said i can just really enjoy my last summer as kind of a teenager or pre-adult. because basically after this it’s four years of college and work work work work for the rest of my life. wow, that’s crazy to say. i need something to drink. water… yum.

anyways… this also means a whole other very unwanted month working at bdubs. it’s not that i really hate that place i just hate waiting on people and i hate this one manager that is a total bitch to me and mostly everyone else there. i have to work with her tomorrow and i’m just going to make the best of it. it should be busy and i should make some good money so we shall see. hopefully she is nice tomorrow. tonight wasn’t too bad. i made $125 which is pretty good for 7 hours of work. that’s almost $18 an hour. the same as a flight attendant kinda cool… i’ll just have to stick it out there for another couple of weeks and a month. i mean, the money is pretty good. just putting up with the people is really shitty.

i have to start saving my money. tom’s birthday is a week from today and i want to get him something nice. i don’t really know what to get him though… no idea really. ooooooo i know. maybe some really cool photography books. that ’s a good idea for him. maybe a book on beginning photography and then a nice coffee table book for his future coffee table. hmmm… what else… i almost just said make him a coupon book but i think those are bad luck for me. last couple times i made them i stopped seeing that guys. i’m pretty sure i made one for greg. i dunno…………..

 then our 6 month anniversary is not this saturday but the next and i want to get him something nice for that too. a cute little romantic gift. i really hope he takes me to a nice dinner. and i think about this all the time but he still doesn’t tell me he loves me. crazy. to me its crazy.  maybe he doesn’t. sometimes i think we don’t even like each other. or he doesn’t even like me. it’s hard to tell. 

today when i told him about what happend with the flight attendant thing he didn’t even seem to care that much. he wasn’t very “oh it’s ok baby it will all work out” or anything like a normal boyfriend would have said. it just really bothers me that we haven’t exchanged i love yous. maybe he is still too hurt from heather. i hope not. i hope we tell each other we love each other soon. i might just tell him on his birthday or on our six month anniversary and just put myself out there and see what he says.

well……. i must go to bed soon, but tom hasn’t called me back yet…. so i kinda want to wait to talk to him. i’ll surf the net for a bit.

night.

moving forward!

it seems that everything  is slowly coming together. i got my results from my GED and i did pretty well except in the math department. so today my mom took in my passport, the letter from the courthouse stating that i’m done with probation, and also my GED results. so i’m hoping i’m all good. i hope that letter i had will suffice for what the company needed it for. so by monday i’m hoping i will go in and get everything done and over with. i have to get a drug test and get “clearance” which i think is a background check. and then i’ll be officially hired!!! so excited! i’ll go to training in august then i’ll be working as a flight attendant! i’m so excited to tell people that’s what i do. then on july 9th i’ll be able to sign up for online classes at schoolcraft. i’m nervous and excited to start school again, especially majoring in somthing i really really really want to do forever. i’m so glad i finally figured it out. i want to be a very highly sought after graphic designer. i want to be the best.

i fucking hate working at buffalo wild wings. i have to work tonight, i just need to make the best of it and make my money then fucking quit. i need money for tom’s birthday which is coming up in 11 days and then our 6 month anniversary is right after that.  then i’m off to training!! so i’m hoping i’ll work maybe two more weeks then quit. maybe i’ll give my 2 week notice tonight. that would be great. i don’t need that much money for the class, i can just bring a bunch of food. it’s not like i eat that much anyways… haha.  yep i’m going to give my two week notice tonight for sure. just TWO MORE WEEKS OF THIS PLACE!!!! YAY!!! THAT’S WHAT WILL GET ME THROUGH THE NIGHT TONIGHT, KNOWING IT’S ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ll be done right before the 21st of july, which is our 6th month anniversary. ok, time to go get the uniform on. yay. TWO MORE WEEKS!!!!! AND I’M DONE BITCHES!!!!! WOOHOO!!!

oh my fucking god…

my parents are having sex on the couch in the living room, which is right above me and i can hear practically everything. discusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww the couch is creaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help!!!!!! i don’t have head phones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m dying right now.  ok i plugged my ears for a little bit but it didn’t work.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

he just came home today from the island. fuck. i can’t write right now.

it’s sunny and beautiful outside my window

and i’m sitting here watching the e true hollywood story on jessica simpson and ashley simpson. i talked to tom today for maybe a half hour or so. we had a nice chat. i’m glad cuz i have been feeling like maybe it wasn’t gonna work between us, but now i have full faith in our relationship. i’m so insecure that one bad day and i lose all hope. i really want to try to work on this. i can’t help but think about that fucking heather girl. she was an aries so she must have been so self assertive and confident and “it’s my way or the high way” and maybe tom really liked that. I, on the other hand, am the opposite. Polar oppostite at that.  I need to get her outta my head. I had a dream last night that i was in a relationship with this girl i work with and tom. the three of us. it was strange. at first i was ok with the situation, but when i realized that she was fucking him too i told her they would have to end the thing between them. I suppose that’s just how i feel about heather coming into dream form. i feel like she’s a third party with us. i fucking do not want her to be. so therefore she is not. next time he mentions her it’s done, i’m gonna tell him to take a few days to think about what he wants. if he wants to sit around and wish he still had her then so be it, or if he still wants me. hopefully he would choose me, but HOPEFULLY this will NOT come about. i can only take so much.

anyways,  i worked last night and made $172! I took my sister out to lunch at the greek diner. it was good but i wasn’t too hungry i ate half my BLTC. it was nice to chill with her, we never do anything sisterly. we should do stuff more together. before we move on and out. she went to the human exhibit thing today and she said all the bodies were asian. weird. tom said they must have got a deal cuz there’s a lot of asians in the world. makes sense.

work tonight at 6 to close (2am) ugh! i don’t want to work that late! but i figure i used to work at venue thurs. friday and saturday night from sometimes 4pm-3am.  but then again i didn’t have a boyfriend, i had fucking steve who was there with me the whole time. so it didn’t matter i suppose, and i would go out afterward anyway. oh well, the moon is in Cancer starting at around 11:30 tonight, so tom is probably gonna want to just go home after work. that’s my prediction. we shall see….

time to shower and get all purdy for work tonight!! i hope i make BIG money!!! I’m going for $150 at LEAST!!

mixed feelings

i don’t know why i was feeling so different today towards tom. i kept thinking in my head “just say maybe we shouldn’t talk for a bit” but i never did. why would i want to say that??? he just doesn’t talk very much, but when he does i really enjoy it. i need to just not be so critical of him. i need to give him a chance to open up to me. i want him to love me, but i don’t see him telling me he does anytime soon, and that really worries me!!! i read in an astrology book that the longer a cancer puts something off, don’t count on it happening. so, maybe he’s still too hurt from his ex to love anyone again. but god damn, i’m not gonna wait forever. the boat trip is coming up. june 11th thru the 15th, then tom and i are goin to ohio for my grandmas birthday… so that’s gonna be a LOT of fun. no sarcasm, i’m excited. i believe these feelings are within myself, no shit, and i’m projecting them onto my own reality. i need to stop these thoughts before they destroy our relationship.

i couldn’t be happier with this amazing man.

work in 45 minutes…. hopefully i’ll make some money tonight. i saw 28 weeks later today, i really liked it. i fucking love zombie movies….

hex the ex

i’m uploading pictures from my phone… so many of tom being cute as a button. half naked, naked… making monkey faces he is by far the greatest guy i have ever dated. there’s just one problem. i think he still isn’t over his ex girlfriend. i read in cosmo that if a man speaks of his ex in a bad way then he is not over them. well, tom does just that. it really bothers me. i found out she’s an aries because he fucking was reading about her at the restaurant we were at. i brought a mean astrology book in just for fun and he flips and starts reading about her! i was so pissed inside… i just don’t know what to do when he talks about her. the story is she left him two days after telling him she loved him, up and moved to colorado with two pounds of pot. maybe she felt smothered. maybe she needed a new start. and i hate that i’m writing about this bitch i don’t even know!! it’s like i’m dating him and her. i know he’s not over her. i’ve probably told him two or three time to GET OVER IT! straight to his face with attitute. i can see this becoming a big problem and me eventually ending the relationship. but i really hope it doesn’t. really really hope it doesn’t. if it comes up again, i am going to have to have a serious talk with him. i’ll lay down the law.

anywho, on a lighter note… i just bought a really cute watch from guess. i love their watches. it’s more grown up, i really like it… here it is:

this is the man that makes my heart beat

oh what a sexy man he is!!!

this is where i work now (and where i met tom

and this is where i’ll be workin come August!

yep, i’m gonna be a flight attendant!

it’s nature walk time with the mamma… it’s beautiful out…

there’s so much on my mind. peace

i might be getting some reception…

I have been searching for people that are currently doing what I want to do and I stumbled upon this pretty amazing website.

Alian Design.com

I really enjoyed their website and what they do. I would like to design books and book covers. I think that is the ultimate job for me. I LOVE books and I love graphic design and photography. (on a side note, i can’t help but look to the future and think that once I get my own company going Tom could do all my photography for me, we could have our own business together.) i love that they started their own company together. i wish i knew how much money they made. i suppose that doesn’t matter at all, as long as you love what you do. if i could sit in my OWN office/setting and do my own designs of books i would be sooo happy. Now that i see it can be done i’m all about it.

Wow, I’ve just spent a while checking out their site completely and I’m in LOVE! Everything they do I want to do. In their packaging section they design tarot cards and all kinds of things to do with the occult. They design a lot of natural products and books that make a difference. It makes me wonder if these people only design what they feel is right, or if these kinds of people come after them. It’s probably a bit of both. I can’t wait to show Tom the site, so he can get an idea of what I want to do. I can’t wait till I have tons of stuff like theirs (but better, with my kind of flair) in my OWN portfolio. I should check back to this site all the time to really keep me motivated to keep going to school.

Then through their website I also found that they use Drupal.com which I’m about to look into more. It seems like something I can use to host my blog. We shall see….

anywho, i’ll update more later. time for a smoke and to call my girl Kira. I’m so happy I found this site!